Scripti smut Laineylt (tm. vaginal rainbow blue ball version ).
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The wedding toasts in Part 1 are perhaps the most cliché and uninspired words you will hear next year. And when delivered by Kellan Lutz, Jesus Christ it’ll be a great time, to go and laugh yourself silly with your friends. Or squeeze their hands from the pain of the fontrum.
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Edward and Carlisle have a birds and the bees talk that is supposed to be, I guess, the vampire advice equivalent to human boys and “baseball”. When does a boy think about baseball? Baseball is for bringing you back from the brink. Therefore Edward Cullen’s premature ejaculation = crushing his wife to death when he’s taking her virginity, preventable, according to his father, by thoughts of baseball.
F-cking unintentional comedy gold
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Bella walks naked into the ocean and looks at the moon and sighs that “it’s beautiful”, to which Edward replies, while looking at her and obviously not the moon...
“Very.”
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we jump to the morning after as Edward is constipated about something and Bella is examining her body. Cut to her memories of the night before, the touching, and his kissing the length of her body, and the clenching, and her head thrown back, and his struggle to, um, think about baseball, and her resulting pleasure, and some furniture gets broken
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Bella gives birth to the baby with the dumb name. She dies. As in she’s done with her human form and the vampire juice starts working but on the outside she looks like a corpse. Everyone is sad. Jacob is sad. He goes off and spends some sad time on his own. Then he comes back because he has to kill the thing with the stupid name. As soon as he lays eyes on her, the rest of the world disappears. It’s a tunnel linking them together. And he sees her grow, he sees her future – she’s 2, 4, she’s 6, she’s 10, she’s a teenager, and then she’s a woman, and this is when he knows he’s in love. It actually reads very well and not as lame and creepy as it does in the book; a very strong scene, if allowed to unravel the way it does on the page.
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While all this is happening, Edward is inconsolable over Bella. Then he hears Jacob’s thoughts, realises Jacob has, um, imprinted on his newborn daughter. So they throw down and Edward wails on Jacob and Jacob has to eat it because he’s all weak and fragile from the imprint process.
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after the baby business they head over to the Cottage for what’s described as a “second honeymoon” with notes from the screenwriter that stress that this is to be VAMPIRE SEX and totally different from when they had sex before. Which basically means that they start mashing up against each other without restraint. Especially him. So there are a lot of accelerated motion quick cuts – him on top, then her on top, the camera’s speeding around them, they’re speeding around each other, like porn on 30x, legs and arms are whizzing by, at one point, a wall is smashed; she does it when she’s the aggressor, pinning him like he’s the weaker one, it’s his wrist that breaks the brick in the wall, until he throws her off, but landing on top of her
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Time passes.
Hours. Days.
Maybe weeks.
They’re so lost in the f-cking.
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Bella and Edward think they’ve won the gold medal in f-cking. Then they f-ck some more
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You will “see” a battle. A vicious battle.
Some Cullens die. Wolves too. It’s total carnage.
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Alice touches that head Volcano guy. when she touches the Volcano guy he "sees" what will happen if he continues his course. so the first person whose head comes off is Carlisle. In the vision. Then everything goes to sh-t and all kinds of dying happens. And Bella and Edward kill Aro. After Bella and Edward they die too. all these other people die too. Jane and her brother. Lots of deaths on both sides. Then Volcano guy snaps out of it, says he's sorry. Everybody makes up and lives happily ever after.
And wolves die and NO ONE will care. I bet someone cheers, even. (In the audience).
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That's how it's supposed to end. they're making out in the meadow. It's there, it's horrible, it's a terrible closing note. I hate it, you'll hate it, everyone will mock it.
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THANKS! :/
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